Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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