Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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