textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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