I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
