I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
