So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The adults are the big ones right?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
