and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
