And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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