hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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