I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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