Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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