the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
