a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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