I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
