Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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