Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
