It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
