well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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