i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
