True but thats because hes a fetus.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
