but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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