Im at strip club and am horny
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
