I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Randomize
