Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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