hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
