just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
