D3 body, D1 cock
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can't put those talents on a resume
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
