I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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