you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
