Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
