That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
