i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
