Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
