i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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