Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
