I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
