I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
