I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
