the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I touched a dick in church today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
