Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Soap is not a condiment
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
