I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
