I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
