Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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