Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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