i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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