I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
