You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
