yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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