The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
