nut hugger
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
