do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
