I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
