Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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